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Week 15, Story The Turtle Who Won the Forfeit
The Ox Who Won the Forfeit , Ellen C. Babbitt The Turtle Who Won the Forfeit Once upon a time there was a very fast turtle. He was so fast...
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My dog Lola Hi I am a senior at OU. I am majoring in economics and minoring in social justice. I chose economics because I was inspired... -
The Ox Who Won the Forfeit , Ellen C. Babbitt The Turtle Who Won the Forfeit Once upon a time there was a very fast turtle. He was so fast...
Hi Maddie! So, first, I would like to say that I really love your concept, bringing the high school to the Ramayana; excellent move! Bringing to light the injustice that Rama experienced in the school setting is ingenious. As you said in your author’s note, it’s devastating when you know you deserve it but don’t earn it because barriers are put in place. Rama was wrongfully exiled; he did not deserve it. But thankfully later, he became King; what come around goes around!
ReplyDeleteWhat I could suggest is maybe changed the paragraph formatting; instead of putting it in the center, it might be better to put it in justify or on the left, and increase the font size because of the white font on black color background. It was sometimes a struggle to read. It would also be wise to mark the separation for the author’s note a bit more. Thanks for the story!
Hi Maddie, oh my gosh your title of your project made me die laughing. I loved how you decided to go with the concept of "Hot Cheeto girl," a girl we all know. I also particularly love analyzing stories and taking the structure of a story and placing it in another context. So putting this old tale and making it into a modern story in high school is a really interesting and entertaining way of expressing the morals.
ReplyDeleteAs far as things to change, I'd agree with Melanie that you could try and instead of centering your text, have it go back to the left. Or if you want to keep that middle formatting, at least separate the paragraphs a little bit more in order to help the flow of the story, so when one thought stops we know where another starts!
Also, I can't tell if "studednt" is supposed to be the title of the story or if it is a typo! I just wanted to mention that. I assume it is a typo, but if it supposed to be punny or like "STUDent" that's my bad lol. I am interested to see more of your project!
Hey Maddie,
ReplyDeleteI think that your story is incredibly unique. It is so cool to read modernized version of the epic. I think your story is my favorite so far. You did a great job incorporating dialogue and the character's train of thought throughout the story and that was very exciting to follow along.
I think that your story is very relatable and it fits perfectly with the Ramayana Chapter that you chose. Also I love the layout of your blog. It is very aesthetically pleasing. The title of your blog also caught my eye and I must say that is one of the reason why I chose your story.
I wonder why she didn't get the position. the character seems to have the perfect application for the position. Was there favoritism in picking the position. I wonder if we would know more about why she didn't get it and how did she deal with her father afterward. Overall, I really enjoy reading your story
Hi Maddie! I really enjoyed your story. It was a very quick and easy read, and the setting was something easily imaginable. While I never had anything to do with Student Council at my high school, it was not hard to imagine the thoughts and feelings of the main character. I also liked the Elena Gilbert reference! One question I had was why being student council president in some Texas town was big enough to get someone into Yale? There are countless student council presidents all across the US, so I think it might help to elaborate on what is special about the main character's high school. Additionally, one suggestion I would make would be to put something in earlier about the names of her competition, and that they were related to the principal. That part was a bit confusing to me because I had thought they were unopposed since no other competitors were named. Other than that, great job!
ReplyDeleteOkay Maddie, HOTCHEETOGIRl absolutely sent me over the edge. Did you use that as an alias for the project, because if so that is absolutely hilarious and I love it. The picture of your dog is also very adorable, they seem very sweet. Your story about the student council and student nepotism was very interesting and I enjoyed reading it. Not going to lie, I had to go read the author's note when I was only a part of the way through your story, just so I knew what was happening. I liked it a lot, though! I think that this was an extremely brilliant way to tell the story about Rama. You told the story in a way where anyone could relate to the feelings and pain Rama endured during his wronging. I'm excited to see what else you include on your profile and where the other stories will take us!
ReplyDeleteHi Maddie!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, along with all of the other comments, the name for your project is absolutely hilarious. I definitely saw some "hot cheeto" people in my high school days. As for the student council story, I really enjoyed reading it. It reminded me of a throwback coming of age movie, as well as the names you decided to include. I really liked how you focused more on how Rama felt when he was exiled. There was not much detail in the actual epic, but your story made his disappointment and his pain relatable. You could go more into detail about how hard she campagined for student council president to make her loss seem even more devastating to her. I am sorry to hear about the situation your friend was in. Nepotism and popularity are often a downside to the high school experience, rewarding undeserving people the spotlight and never seeing the potential of others.
Hi Maddie!
ReplyDeleteThe general consensus is that your storybook title is hilarious and I absolutely agree. It gave me AOL Messenger flashbacks. I think the idea of integrating this story into highschool was so funny. Many famous stories have been integrated into a high school setting (e.g. Clueless is just Jane Austin's Emma). I loved reading your take on this, and I can't wait to see more from you!
Hello Maddie.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your student council story and I thought that it was pretty good. You did a good job getting me hooked right away. I liked the way you described the character that was running for student council. You show that they are extremely selfish by the way they talk about people and the way they act. For example, the reason they to be student council president is so that they can have power and use the position as a stepping stool for getting into a good college. This makes it hard to root for the "protagonist" as they are not really a likable character. But I think that the fact they lost only because of nepotism is kind of a gut punch. While I was not rooting for the main character I definitely did not want them to lost because their competitor knew the right people. Overall a great story with a lot of emotion.
Hi Maddie!
ReplyDeleteI was so sad to read that your story was based on something that happened to your friend. I've heard that kind of thing happen all too often, and it really is unfortunate. From your author's note you said this story was meant to parallel the part of the Ramayana when the title of king was supposed to be given to Rama but was stripped away. To be completely honest, without that author's note I would not have made the connection. I do see the parallels, especially the nepotism motif, after reading your note, but your story is so different from the inspiration that it was hard to make the connection. This reminded me a lot of Ben Platt's character in The Politician on Netflix. I love that you wrote from the main character's perspective, since we didn't know what was going through Rama's mind when everything happened. You offered a lot of emotion, feelings that I would probably also have if this were me. They are not pretty emotions, but they are real, so well done. I am excited to read more of your portfolio in the future!
Hey Maddie!
ReplyDeleteThe emotion in your student council story is spot on. The feeling someone gets when they put all they can into something they have wanted all along. Something with true value and a position where they can really make a difference, is taken from them. And given to someone with a plain positional advantage. I could not imagine how angry I would be after so much work, to lose to someone who is just the son of someone important. I would add a little more about John and how he reacted, maybe even have him act like a jerk so readers could despise him even more. However this story had so much power, great job!
Hi Maddie!
ReplyDeleteI tried to navigate your website but the links were not working for me :( it wasn't letting me click any links besides the comment wall. I was unable to find your story.
Hello Hotcheetogirl! I loved your student council story so I wanted to check in on your blog again to see what you've been up to. I came across your Hunger Games story and really loved the way you retold it. I remember reading the books and watching the movies when they came out when I was younger. I liked the perspective you wrote from and it really allowed the readers to feel the emotions. I think it would be cool if you added a little twist to the story not in the original or if you kept writing more hunger games stories from the same perspective. It was nice to visit your page again and I hope school is going great!
ReplyDeleteHey Maddie! I came back to your page to see if you did another Hunger Games Story but was delightfully surprised with a new story! I really liked the cutie patootie and paris hilton story! It was really fun how you incorporated Paris Hilton and her pet cootie patootie! I also read the elephant girly-face story and this was an awesome twist! I also really loved the cute picture of the little kitty! I had a little bit of a hard time reading the story though with the white letters on the super light background. I think it would help if you used like a pink writing or a hot pink or even a light green color it would be a lot easier to read! I wish you the best of luck for the ending of the semester! This story was a great last story and I am excited to check out your revisions next week!
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